


If fate existed, that's how I would call it

by holdmymilktea



Series: Us against the illusions of the mind [2]
Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, Friendship, Friendship/Love, I don't recommend part 1 either unless you can hold this pain, Narcissu AU, kinda sad but hopeful, not recommended if you haven't read part 1
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-13 15:48:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29031183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holdmymilktea/pseuds/holdmymilktea
Summary: Incheon. The pier. A photograph album. A random, maybe precious encounter.
Series: Us against the illusions of the mind [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2129697
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	If fate existed, that's how I would call it

**Author's Note:**

> The five readers of _Us against the world_ will probably agree with me that the last chapter is unsatisfying. For reasons, sure, but it was so up in the air that after taking a break from writing after that mentally draining fic, I'm back with a proper 'epilogue'.  
> I don't particularly recommend reading this if you haven't read _Us against the world_ , as first, it will ruin part of the reading experience of the main story (there aren't character/ship tags for a reason), second, it obviously contains spoilers and third you won't know the events that make this potentially worth reading.
> 
> Now, I also don't particularly recommend reading the main story either because people clicked but didn't go through. I'm guessing because it's not what they expect for a fic, or because it's just plain bad, how would I know.
> 
> To those reading, I hope you enjoy. Also, no dialogue tags again!

The pier never really changes. Details may, but it’s always the same atmosphere. You look at one side and it’s all about shops and activities, having a good time. You look at the other, you marvel at the beauty of the sea and nothing else really matters.

As far as she’s concerned, Siyeon’s eyes are set on the ocean as she goes down the stairs, once more making sure the zipper of her padded jacket is high enough to protect her from the fierce wind. Slowly looking around, she easily finds a spot to settle. The negative temperatures certainly don’t make it a place of choice to laze around, but she doesn’t care about that. It’s close to the rocks, close to the water. The only sounds she hears are the waves crashing against the breakwater. She puts a convenience store bag down first, slings her other bag off her shoulder. Finally, she takes a sit, cross-legged on the concrete. It’s cold too, but less than the gusts of wind. Absent-mindedly, she watches the horizon for a while, lets the light reflecting on the water blind her from time to time, before remembering what she came here for.

Using her bag as a makeshift shield from the gale, she gets a soju bottle and two cardboard cups from the plastic one. Unceremoniously opens the bottle, pours liquid in the cup furthest to her, then in her own. She puts the bottle back on the ground, the jingling sound of it drowned out by the water. After taking one cup, she extends her arm towards the water.

“Cheers.”

She smiles, gulps her shot down, hoping that the alcohol will at least heat up her body ever so slightly if it doesn’t ease her heart. The tiny cup is immediately filled again, but she just lets it be, next to the untouched one, like they’re keeping each other company.

Siyeon has never been one to come regularly to the pier, especially in winter, when she can just lie down on the heated floor at home and watch movies. Back then, she was dragged there. Well, not exactly against her will. Sure, she would feign annoyance but that would just be because she had a reputation to uphold. Being outside is just not her thing. Times change, however. If she doesn’t go by herself, then there’s no one who will drag her. The thought has been bugging her for the past week; today, she can go with no one asking her to. Had the sun not shown itself, had the rain stormed, she would have gone anyway. Maybe not stayed, but she would have at least gone.

Thankfully, it’s sunny. That sunny sky of winter that softens everything. It’s fitting. She came to celebrate, not reminisce, after all. She gives the cold the finger with the utmost respect she can produce. Not the cold outside but the one _inside_ . _You’ve done enough, now get out._ And even if she doesn’t feel herself there quite yet – it’s still such a long road – she can only think positively of projecting herself in that direction. At least, a part of her wants to believe in it. She knows she can make it; she’s promised she’ll make it; she just forgets at times. And if she’s been able to fulfill one of her promises to Yoohyeon, surely, she can the others.

So today, she celebrates. Both past promises and future successes. She celebrates the strength in people. She celebrates the unknown. She celebrates the strength of people who are resilient against the unknown. She celebrates the fragility that pushes them to find this strength. She celebrates what she has already accomplished, too. She celebrates that sky of winter, even though she has no clue what it means, just because it sounds like something Yoohyeon would say.

Blinking away the dryness in her eyes, she gathers her thoughts about the place. The scenery is beautiful, she must admit, drawing your attention like it’s calling to you. Being there is like being in a bubble. It’s even hard to imagine there’s a bustling city right next to it. It does have a relaxing feel and maybe that’s also why her friend insisted they went so often, apart from the person it reminded her of.

Bending forward, she fiddles with the latch of her bag, takes a big book out of it. Upon closer inspection, one could see it’s a photograph album. It’s brand new, not like those parents keep for decades until they stumble upon it by chance when it’s already dusty. Siyeon put it together a couple months ago. It’s special, full not of memories, but moments. It has memories too, but moments are prevalent when Siyeon is the one saying it. She assisted in the taking of the pictures, is in a few of them herself as subject, but the work is mostly Yoohyeon’s and what she saw, how she saw. Siyeon simply collected that. When she holds the album close to her, she’s holding the passing of time and she makes it stop. Or maybe, rather, she’s holding the proof that a part of time stopped.

As soon as she opens it, she’s taken to the pier again, a little more than a year ago. She sees people she doesn’t remember, passersby strolling like they did in wide-angle shots. She sees vivid portraits that her friend always wanted to try but had never gathered enough courage for before. She sees details in high-caliber frames, highlighted aesthetics she wouldn’t have suspected, of which she becomes curious about whenever she peeks at the pictures. Then she sees the other side and the sea and the sky of autumn.

When she holds the album, she sees the world differently.

“There you are.”

Just as she’s about to turn a page, a familiar figure sits close by, leaving between them the bottle, the two cups and enough space for a third person to join. Siyeon is a bit surprised at the unexpected appearance but far from annoyed. Her heart even swells a little hearing the voice she’s come to adore.

The newcomer eyes the second cup of soju and makes a gesture like she’s going to reach for it when Siyeon interrupts, shaking her head several times.

“There are cups left in the bag.”

Her companion nods, then, after taking one of the remaining cups out, pours a shot to herself. She holds it in the air, extending her arm slightly towards Siyeon, tilts her head to the side, expectantly.

“Have one with me too?”

“...”

“Sure.”

Siyeon is celebrating, she remembers. The only limits to that are the ones she sets herself. She takes her cup once more and gently brings it against the one extended to her.

“Cheers.”

“Cheers.”

She looks her companion in the eye.

It’s warmer already.

Glasses are filled again and again they keep each other company.

Like it’s meant to be.

It’s wishful thinking, because Yoohyeon has never met Sua. She refused to. It’s not that she didn’t want to, though, so Siyeon doesn’t hold it against her.

“It’s been a while since I had to trail after you till Incheon.”

Siyeon doesn’t apologize because she’s long learnt that’s nothing to apologize for, so instead she gives her a small smile, then asks a question.

“You’ve become too good at this. How’d you know?”

“Just a hunch.”

The tone says it's more than that. It’s kind of obvious why Siyeon is here anyway, but she guesses Sua doesn’t want to be too abrupt about it. Her girlfriend isn’t always like that, on the contrary. She’s more the type to headbutt first, then ask questions. And then she can get very talkative. She’s just learnt how to tread around her when it’s one of those days.

And what a day it is.

It’s nothing special, she would hear her friend say. And in essence, it may be, but Siyeon can’t really help it. In this case, she wishes she could see that differently as well.

“Don’t mind me.”

Sua brings her knees close to her chest, wriggling her body as she does so, seemingly deciding on another approach against the wind. She lays her chin on her arms and watches Siyeon.

She’s there, that’s what she says.

Siyeon replies with silence and the sea.

She retrieves the heat packs she’s kept in her jacket pockets, hands it to the girl. She would feel terrible if she caught a cold because of her. Sua accepts the warm packets, beaming at her without making a sound, then turns to the scene in front of her.

Eventually, Siyeon dives in the album again, turning the page that was still waiting for her. The setting is more urban in the next set of pictures. Already knowing what she’s going to see, her heart drops a bit. Wide spaces, walls of white, high ceilings, still tasteful in composition – she doesn’t know how it’s possible. It took Siyeon a lot to keep going to the 7th floor to honor her words and even more to deliver the words she had received. Despite the feelings associated, she chose to include a bit of everything that Yoohyeon has captured. There’s the garden too, happy faces even, serious also. She quickly goes through this part to friendlier neighborhoods of Incheon in the following shots.

Then the photographs get tinted with scarlet. It’s the sky, it’s the pier again. Yoohyeon had admittedly grown mildly obsessed with sunsets after she came back from her... journey, as she called it. Her mind was always up there, wandering endlessly in search for something, but sunsets paradoxically both grounded and took her away all over again. There and gone already at the same time. Distractedly, Siyeon muses that her friend must have surely found a way to leave on adventures again, wherever she is and hopes that whatever it was she was searching, she found it. She’s always been a free spirit, after all. Why would that change? Even now?

It still hurts so much, though, that she can’t go with her. Probably that will never change too, that first part. The second one is already acted. Siyeon briefly thinks on how pathetic it is that she’s now a crackhead sidekick without anyone to sidekick, then on how to refer to herself from now on. Or maybe that shouldn’t change either, as Yoohyeon is just irreplaceable. The answer is easy; Siyeon will just have to endorse multiple roles. That’s how she usually settles when she dwells on these kinds of thoughts. She doesn’t compromise when it comes to Yoohyeon unless the latter has asked her. She will proudly remain who she has always been and will merely layer onto it. There’s no other acceptable solution. It’s not that she can’t do without Yoohyeon even if it’s so damn hard, it’s that she doesn’t want to, so she won’t do without Yoohyeon. She will now be the one to drag her everywhere she goes, just because she decides so.

The rest of the pictures go by as Siyeon also wanders in her thoughts. She arrives at the conclusion of the album, on the last page, where she placed a single photograph. It’s two young women in their twenties, of frail stature, looking tired but smiling nonetheless. They’re posing close to each other, head leaning towards the other’s, next to a stone pillar engraved with the name of a mountain and the altitude of the spot. The sky is a peaceful shade of blue ornated with white clouds. Siyeon doesn’t know who took that picture – her friend had only spoken of a ‘ _random, maybe fated if only fate existed, precious_ ’ encounter – but regardless, it’s a good picture. She chose it exactly because, as much as a photographer is seen through their pictures, she had to have Yoohyeon seen too. Jiu too. She’s a cherished connection to Yoohyeon and thus connected to Siyeon. Siyeon still doesn’t understand everything about her – the woman still brings her conflicted emotions, if she dares say – but she helped Yoohyeon in ways unfathomable to Siyeon’s comprehension; she deserves it too.

She stares at the picture some more, indulging in more memories unrelated to what she sees. She trails numb fingers slowly around its edges to the rhythm of the waves. When she decides it’s enough, she closes the album respectfully, pauses at the sea as time resumes, then stores it back in her bag. Sua, who had seemingly closed her eyes at some point, reacts to the ruffling and watches her again, softly. Her face turns curious when Siyeon takes a mirrorless camera out of her bag, then out of its protective case.

It took her awhile to figure out how to work the device decently for a complete beginner, but she’s gotten the hang of it now. After checking the settings, she brings her arms closer to her body for stability, raising the viewfinder to her right eye, and points the lens towards her girlfriend. Sua eventually understands and simply smiles at her, not changing the pose she was in. Her face is bathed in that soft light and she looks beautiful. Siyeon snaps a few shots and together they look at the result. She stores the camera away after they both agree the pictures look nice.

“I miss her.”

On days like this, it’s always the same conclusion. She’s afraid that one day it’ll change.

She never avoids Yoohyeon, whichever way she manifests herself. Her friend has told her; she can’t escape it. So, she doesn’t.

And when she gets sad, smiles or laughs at any stupid thing they did, through the prism of a possibly fantasized memory, she’s annoyed that Yoohyeon is always right, yet she’s also glad, because that means that if it does change, it would only be for the better and somehow she finds comfort in that.

Missing her with a smile full of joy, that would be a worthy oddity.

“...”

Instead of replying out loud, Sua holds her gloved hand. Some warmth still filters through; she holds it tighter.

“Thank you for bearing with me.”

During her time with Sua, she’s also learnt that sometimes, it’s not apologies you should give, but gratitude. It’s truly ironic that she sometimes forgets about that. The girl has never come to Incheon after her because she feels obligated to, simply because she wants to be there for her.

“That’s only because you made it possible.”

With the way Sua deflects, maybe Siyeon can accept that it’s a joint effort. Long gone were the days where they were afraid to tell what was on their mind. This calmer and more intimate side of their relationship had opened the door to heartfelt talks that resulted in those moments where they don’t have a need to speak too many words.

A moment for everything, maybe that’s what it is.

They toast once more, all three cups coming in contact this time. Siyeon then takes the lone, still filled cup and gets up, holding it firmly in her hand. She walks forward, against the wind, to empty its content in the wide ocean with one strong movement of the arm. Not before she raises it to the sky, of course.

“Cheers, Hyeonie.”

She makes her way back to Sua to pack her things and helps her girlfriend back to her feet, immediately going close to her once she is, to finally greet her with a kiss.

And together, they start walking with their arms hooked.

“Are you going back tonight? Or would you like to join Gahyeon and I to dinner? My treat.”

“So I can third-wheel again? Yes, absolutely. I’d like that.”

Sua jokes and bumps her side as they approach the stairs. Siyeon gives it back.

“I knew I could reach your heart with food. Besides, you have me all to yourself until dinner. You can stay at home for the night too, my mom’s been asking to see you again. Says you’re a better daughter than I am. Hmph.”

“You’re lucky you’re cute, be aware of that. What are you getting? Because I’m in absolute need of spicy food. It’s way too cold. And what can I say, I’m an exceptional being. I don’t blame her, you can’t compare to _that_.”

“Yah! I can still take the offer back, you know.”

“Please don’t...? I’m not feeling the subway ride again today. I’ll even throw in some good words for you. Please? Please?”

“Outrageous.”

Sua is shamelessly pouting now and that pretty much seals the deal.

“Thanks! And what about dinner?”

“Food’s undecided. But Gahyeon’s been swamped in reviewing, as usual. I don’t think she’d mind spicy.”

“Great! Spicy it is!”

Sua claps her hands in anticipation. It’s kind of adorable.

“Did you have anything else planned until dinner? I mean, if I hadn’t shown up.”

“Oh, well… Not much actually...”

Probably would have followed her homebody instincts, gone home and waited to meet with the little kiddo.

They are on the pier again. Siyeon turns around briefly to look at the sea, indulging in the view one last time for the day. She looks up higher in the sky this time, but she’s too eager and the sun forces her to close her eyes from its brightness. Protecting herself with one hand, she tries a second time, when she overhears the conversation of two women by the guardrail, just next to the stairs.

“Are you sure? It looks very similar to me. Maybe it closed down.”

“There aren’t a million piers in Incheon. We can still go look at the others then come back. Are you even sure it’s Incheon?”

The exchange catches her attention for some reason. They’re looking at a phone screen. Siyeon can’t tell for sure, but it looks like they’re trying to compare what’s showing with the actual pier. She feels Sua starting to walk again and stopping when she realizes Siyeon isn’t budging. Siyeon can’t really explain why she’s doing that actually; it’s just going with the flow of the day. Intrigued, Sua starts listening in as well.

“Almost. She told me that’s where she’d left from and I doubt she would have kept running around all over the country. That would be a pity honestly, it’s really photographic material; I like it. We should ask someone…”

The taller woman raises her head then looks around. Unsurprisingly, her eyes fall on them. Her brows rise when they cross gaze. Sua nudges her side, either to prompt her answering or just leave, and Siyeon decides to move forward. Despite the day, she’s in relatively good spirits and again, she’s celebrating. Surely, if assistance she can offer, assistance she will give.

“Sorry, I was listening. Maybe I can help? I’m from here.”

The other woman seems relieved that they don’t have to ask everyone they meet until they find a local. She also looks a bit surprised when she sees Siyeon, but doesn’t quite place why, if her frowning is anything to go by. She gets her own phone out to check on something. Suddenly, Siyeon feels self-conscious. Is there something on her face? Sua would have told her, right?

“Ah, thank you. See, I’m looking for the shop that’s in this picture. I’m pretty sure it’s this location but, obviously, it’s not the same anymore. Would you know about it? I would have asked the person who took the picture directly but unfortunately, that’s not possible. It’s been taken more than a year ago, if that’s of any help.”

She isn’t sure she would remember every shop that opened and closed at the pier, especially since she’s spent most of her time in Seoul these past months, but she gives it a shot anyway. A year ago matches with when she still went to Incheon regularly. Who knows? An epiphany might still happen. She gets closer to the phone the woman is extending to her.

Her eyes widen instantly when she catches sight of the photograph.

“What the...”

She looks up at the woman, who got startled by her reaction. She notices she has a camera slung across her chest.

“So, you know it? Was it here?”

Siyeon ignores her questions. There’s something she must ask that’s way more important.

“Who sent you that picture?”

Siyeon’s heart starts pounding in her chest as soon as the words leave her lips.

“A… friend? Well, we’ve only met once but I guess I can say she’s a friend. Why?”

That’s impossible.

But at the same time, it has to be it.

Her hands are almost shaking when she reaches for her bag to retrieve the album. She clumsily opens it where the pictures of the pier should be and scans each one of them, rapidly alternating between the phone and the album until it hopefully matches.

It has to be.

“What’s your friend called?”

She’s scared to be wrong but at the same time she has to make sure, to see it with her own eyes.

She thinks back to the ‘ _random, maybe fated if only fate existed, precious_ ’ encounter.

To think that in this place that her best friend loved so much, Siyeon would still be sent people her way, through _her_ . Like it’s _her_ way of making sure Siyeon doesn’t feel lonely.

On this day when she’s celebrating a bunch of things that don’t even make sense but are all about _her_.

And there it is, in her album, under that sunny sky of winter that was once so bland, the exact same picture the woman has.

“Kim Yoohyeon. Do you know her?”

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it through, thank you! I hope it now feels more 'complete' than the previous ending.
> 
> In regards to Odd Eye (which is soo good), I've been ecstatic about the lyrics! I didn't expect them to go this way, but I'm all for it! And if you've read _Us against the world_ , you'll understand I was both fist bumping the air again and heartbroken. Coincidences aside, fictional Jiu knew: 'everything is a lie, even the truth you're after! We just refuse to see it!'.  
> And the more I think about it, the wings on the album cover really feel like Icarus' wings, you know, the dude who burnt his wings flying too close to the sun ;)
> 
> [@holdmymilktea](https://twitter.com/holdmymilktea)
> 
> Take care,


End file.
